Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
