Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize