I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
