I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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