I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
