i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
