I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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