u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
