she looked like the before picture.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm getting married
To pizza
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
