woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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