If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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