Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
