He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
