im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
