You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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