I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
