hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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