saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
