we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
