I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
