Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
