i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
