My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
