i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
