In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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