I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
