pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
