dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
