he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dear god my vagina.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
