Don't you send me to vm
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
