Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
