Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
