I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
