his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
