right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
