After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
