I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
