I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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