Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
