$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Let's get the cat blown out
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
