Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
