He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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