Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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