Already got asked if we're dating
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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