Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
