and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
this beer tastes like vomit already
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
