you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize