Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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