of course. lets lasso hookers.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize