Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
