I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
