I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
