i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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