1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
