so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
