Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
