You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
