Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
