im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize