I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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