bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize