He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
