Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
