dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Floor bacon is actually really good
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
