If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
