Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
