dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
