did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
